Are Black Women Ugly?
Posted on 09. Jan, 2010 by Kwabena in Life and Style, Men & Women
Last year during black history month both channel 4 and BBC 1 touched on various topics regarding people of colour and skin lightening. These issues have been discussed for over a century , especially with regards to Africans conforming to a European standard beauty.
Yet often African women have been blamed by men for having an obsession with European standards of beauty, with documentaries like “Good Hair” only scratching the surface of a much wider issue. So I will say it straight.
How come many black men are not checking for black women?
5 Possible answers, which one do you lean towards gentleman?:
A) Individual’s preference; “So what we live in post racial times” and black women are too difficult
So you would agree with this woman….
B) I am an 80’s baby raised by my mum and my mum alone and my area is a testimony to the fact that black marriages do not work
‘Divorce is the end result for 2 out of 3 Black marriages. More than 60 percent of African American children live with only one parent, usually the mother. Black couples are three times more inclined than Whites to get separated during the marriage’ 2 (Was this the same story in the 90’s for black couples in the UK?)
C) It’s not by force that black men have to find them attractive and quite frankly they don’t
“Almost five in ten Other Black men (48 per cent) and three in ten Black Caribbean men (29 per cent) were married to women outside the Black ethnic group, in most cases White women.”3 ONS (Official National Statistics, 2001)
D) It’s the Media, from Dr. Dre to Jermaine Defoe to a Tinchy Stryder or Chipmunk video that is all we know!!!
E) You’re making a mountain out of a molehill
Take a gander at this video that came on the ABC around the other day. Can black women in the UK relate?
Regardless of what your answer is does this have any implications for the next generation and there comprehension of relations?
“36% of victims were 15 or younger. Ages of suspects have dropped as well…Mr Yexley’s report shows that in 2008/09 eight per cent of groups of gang rape suspects were white, 32 per cent were black” The Evening Standard (10.11.09)
Is this a serious issue and if it is WHATS the SOLUTION?
(Watch out for a more in depth follow up article from a talented young writer)
Sources 1. Minority Health Today, July/August 2000 – Volume 1, No. 5,Black Men and Divorce:Implications For Culturally Competent Practice 2. http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23764662-third-of-gang-rape-victims-are-aged-under-15-and-attacks-are-increasing.do 3. http://www.statistics.gov.uk/CCI/nugget.asp?ID=1090&Pos=1&ColRank=2&Rank=416 Pic Source http://ryanbarrett.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8345259a469e201156fc23c7b970c-800wi
the girl was spitting sense. Alot if brothers check for sisters but the same issues just reoccuring:
*want guy with money
*superficially incompatible
*past relationship or childhood issues get in the way… See More
*outright selfishness- smh
I aint gona lie I love the sisters and hope my wife is one, but i keep coming across ‘rotten’, ‘incompatible or unserious ones so I gotta be flexible- whoever God gives me i guess.
Very interesting article! I loved that ABC vid Steve Harvey relationship Guru lol
I think it really is down to personal preference, most the guys black guys I know have a preference for black women which is great but if they don’t so what? You choose someone that will make you happy.
I think it’s a similar story in the UK in regards to the number of eligible men being reduced though, if you take out the cheaters, the men that already have ‘baby mothers’, the men without a job, the men that sell drugs, the men that use drugs, violent men…lol. And it’s the same for men if you take out the hoes, the gold-diggers etc… then you’ve gotta find someone you’re attracted to, your family likes, be on a similar level intellectually…pickings are slim, no wonder people date outside their race, men and women…it increases your options! In my opinion it has nothing to do with self hatred or hatred of your race, like the puerto rican girl said if that’s the case then people have serious issues.
lol… The man (SeaL) in the pic with Heidi Klum, is one of my best friends, he had the biggest crush on me since we were kids and also used to tell me how beautiful I looked even in the morning, so I knw he loves black women and his mother an siters are also black. It’s true what he said in the media, He always used to think he was ugly because of his scars but I used to always try to re-assure him that beauty came from within.. Could be why he married her, maybe he didn’t believe taht he wa cute,there are other things but not gonna say on here… Gonna read the article now and relate…
Very topical debate, one must firstly make it evident that the second video (point E) hit the nail on the head illustrating that there are 1.8 million more black women than black men. Secondly I don’t think the problems lie in race but more in lack of family planning, poverty and the fact that social factors such as social class are the major factors influencing these statistics. For instance more white people populate the higher classes in society.
Prince H you sound unlucky but hopeful so good luck to you. The issues you raised are beyond colour lines that could occur from just purely living in a western capitalist society where people love cheddar. Look at how the gold digger figures went up after the recession! Websites like this Lol! http://sugardaddie.com
But on the real I know too many beautiful, black, hardworking sisters to even begin to take the article heading seriously. They don’t have ‘daddy’ issues, not superficial, just genuine people loving life. Much like my friends of other races. I personally think it is down to surrounding yourself with people and friends who reflect what you are all about regardless of race. If they don’t, then take them out of your circle. The race argument just masks issues beyond what is the ‘real’ problem sometimes.
Every man is entitled to his choice, so if a black man doesn’t like black women then so be it. However, there are some black men who clearly do like black women, but choose to ditch them when they reach a certain level in order to conform. This suggests that black women are not good enough for the middle/high class lifestyle. It is one of the reasons why successful black women (such as the ones in the video clip on this page) find it difficult to find someone. They have standards that they seek in a man. Some of these expectations may be over the top, but many are reasonable.
Also there are many stereotypes that lead some black men to write off all black women, which is unfair. Yes there are ‘bad’ black women, but equally, there are women of all races who are capable of showing the same ‘off-putting’ characteristics (e.g. attitude).
People need to be true to themselves, rather than choosing to ditch black women based on the opinions of others.
This article touched on something that has now become apparent to all races and people. The other day, whilst sitting on the bus i overheard a Caucasian lady say, ‘Why would ANY man, want to be with her, no wonder black men don’t like their own’. This comment was made in reference to a couple, who were arguing on the bus, because of the time taken by the man to pick up a shopping bag.
I also have to male friends, who love black girls. I’ve grown up with them, but up until recently, the very things that come out of their mouths are, ” i think i want me a nice Essex girl to settle down with. A pretty, cheerful and loving girl.” In response to that i ask, ‘Can’t you get that from a black woman?’ in response i hear ‘ I truly don’t believe so.’
It’s become common word, that black females are too controlling, mouthy, to European in terms of hair, nails etc, hateful, negative, gold digging and the list could truly go on.
I’m black, so i know some of the above is true. I’m modified with a weave most times from short to long. My attitude to black men sometimes can come across as quite negative. Any sign or symptom i spot which is a replica to my father, i start to judge or talk upon. When my ex-boyfriend lost his job, he sat around for months doing nothing but checking friends and playing x-box online, watching footy. I was mortified, i completely cussed him out and I’m afraid i used the words black man to begin each of my hateful negative sentences.
I think as black women, we also have categories for the black man specifically when it comes to dating and relationships. Its never just a man. A black man will do this, so you have to do this. A black man will cheat on your ass, so you have to do that. Its never just a Man. I don’t know, but in response to the title i think Black women have become Ugly in personality and nature. Black men don’t want your love, they want your Backside and your P***Y.
I read the article and watched the clip with the Puerto Rican girl..Firstly, this is from a Western perspective and is a clear depiction of the effects of African and Caribbean people who migrated to the West through forced and voluntarty migration. I can only spaek for myself and my own personal experience. I have never felt intimidated by white women dating black men,… It is very common in Engalnd due firstly to the historical relationship that the Caribbean and England has shared over the centuries through colonialism and the trans-atlantic slave trade. It is nothing new, white European men used to rape black women regularly on plantations and the white women used to sleep with and sexually abuse black men behind their husbands back, they secretley prefered them over their husbands but needed the financial security being married to a rich slave owner provided, you can all research this for yourselves. Being with a white woman or man has in many instances been a case of survival through the ages or used by both balck and white for status enhancement within their own communities and that of eachother. I am not saying that it cannot be genuine love, but again like Seal and Heide of whom I know persoanlly… I can also bare witness from growing up with Seal that he had a lot of inhibitions about the scars he carried and wanted so much to be acepted firstly by black grls, many of them (sad to say) rejected him based on that ignorant premise… So I am not surprised he ended up with Heidi, I have seen this happen in many cses where some black men do not get on with their Mother’s etc. There are so many reasons. Also the world is so big and where I come from originally, the CAribbean, BLack Men Worship Black Women, form Mothers to Grandmothers, to Daughters, they are the Empress’s and PrinCess’s. You can hear it in our Reggae Music, we are Worshipped and Adored by our Men, I even here it in African Music, ‘SweeT Mother’(Nigeria).. Many white women come to our country to find blackmen for fun and to marry as so many have told me they feel they have no life with European men as they are so cold and emotionally unavailable… Unfortunately, when they bring these men back to Engalnd they tend to indoctrinate them with European culture and that is where it turns ugly…These men come from partriarchal countries where although the women are revered on a igh level, tehy are also en in their own country where as when they arrive in Europe as foreigners they are stripped of their manhood by teh men ofhe hot country and deemed to be aliens. Hence, teh attraction to a higher status which in many cases they think can be otbatined by being with the women of he ment aht have stripped tem of their manhood. Unfortunately, it soen’t always work out the way they planned as they are still rejected by the host commununity and so is the European (White) Woman. Many were called “Nigger LoVers” and stilla e to this day…
This is for Anon.. I really think black young people brought up in the UK need to go home to their parents countries to see how they as Black Women ae Loved adn adored, the media has played alareg part in adding to this antagonism and baseless stereotypes, especially when young black females are adhering to Western Standards of beauty, it is quiet obvious that these young ladies are not comfortable in the persona they feel forced to show tothe wetern world, in he CAribbean, especially, Jamaiacan women wer wigs and weaves for performance purposes and dances etc and go back to thir real lives the next day. However, in Engalnd and America,it is like a drug, they don’t want to take teh mask off, this i feel is wherer the problem lies, they have lsot their true identiities and with that comes your natural attractiveness to the opposite sex from your own race.. When I was younger growing up in the 70’s adn 80’s, we msotly stuck to our own because afros adn rastafarianism were not only the fashion but were also the real us.. Then Europeans started to mimic our hair and dress styles for fashion purposes. Look back to the 60’s and early 70’s, skinheads and mod’s modelled themselves sylistically and musically on Rude Boy’s from Jamaica, from the music to the dressing, the reason for this being, tha in the 50’s most white English girls fround Jamaican and other CAribbean men more exciting adn attractive, so in order for their men to keep them, they had to keep up with the West Indian Jones’s style and pattern. Wasn’t even a case of teh Cribbean men wanting to be with white women, they were pursued by them first of all as tey7 were affraid to talk to them in case of reprisal from Teddy boys, skin heads etc. and also in Nottinghill in the 50’s adn 50’s they wre good for business, they could do things with them tht they couldn’t with respectable church going West Inidan girls, it is historical. Check the levels nowadays, most children of any colour and creed speak with some sort of Jamaican slang like “Wa’Gwaan”, maybe not in front of their parents but definitley on the streets or in shcool. I believe if you are born in the UK you have a much closer connection culturally with white English people as they have been mixing with Caribbean culture in England since the 40’s to the present day. Look around,the Nottinghill Carnival, it is no longer just about Caribbean people and celebrating Emanciaption from slavery… So many white European women are becoming Rastas and Muslims so they are taking the time to learn about African culture, where as the African and Caribbean girls born here tend to be Christian as the colonialists set it tht way through slavery and imperialism, they are rejecting their own culture… Black Men no matter where they are from in the world love Natural Women,I have this reasoning all the time with many of my black brothers, they hate weave and things like that, one even went as far as saying hat if he wanted a woman with long straight hair, he would rather have the real thng…you could check out Chris Rocks new movie/documentary called ‘Good Hair’, that puts another slant on it… I even get a lot of black men who date or are married to white women hitting on me and I ask them why, they say,you are so natural and the sme happens when I go home to the CAribbean, they say Im easy to talk to and get along with, the Women even get annoyed at me soemtimes, thinking Im trying to take their men and I’m a Natural BLAck Woman… Why??? Is it Because I LoVE Myself,my Whole Being, My CuLture, Identity… My Natural Qualities inside adn out and above all my intellectual relationship with the mot high… I know my history from the roots up… I have never wavered,even whilst attending school in England, I was marginaliesd and abused for loving my own culture but I never wavered, I learnt to speak the language of my parents and fore- parents from a young age and i still use it, not many children born in the uk or Caribbean descent did that so many are disconnected in that way… Also my parents often took me and encouraged me to return to the country that they were born and of my cultural heritage (So Proud of iT)… I feel so blessed… I could go on all day and night but I wil stop here,~i have an assignment to complete… BLessed Love Peeps…
‘B’4ReaLuV…
The Puerto-Rican American girl in the video has a point, many African American girls are ignorant to any other culture outside of the African American category and see lighter skinned black women as white, which is real in the case of say a child with a European mother who hs no contact with their African/ Caribbean side (Mentality) … However, when the mother is of African/Caribbean origin it is different as the child like my Grandmothers and Great Grandmas were raised within African Caribbean Culture in the Caribbean and Diaspora as I was so they will be socialised in whole different way (more African). I would also like to clear a little something up, the Peurto Rican young lady stated that she was a mixed race Puerto Rican of light skin and that Peurto Ricans are approx 61% Taino, 27% African American and 12% Spanish (European)… When in actual fact through academic research I have carried out, the Spanish from as early as the 1800’s devised an ideology to downplay the dominant African element within the culture and defined all Peuerto Ricans mixed with African as ‘Metsizoa’ thus highlighting the Indian element and removing most of the African element. This was due mostly to the fear of uprising that took place in Haiti in the 1800’s called the Hatian Revolution, they never wanted it to ever happen again in the Dominican Republic or Puerto Rico which were Spanish colonies. Toussaint L’Overture ran the French (Defeating Napoleon Bonaparte) and Spanish out of Haiti and became the first Free black independent nation in the Caribbean…You can imagine Napoleon was maddd!!. As a result, a new ideology called Anti- Hatianism or Anti-Hatianismo (Spanish) was created, hence why they made peuerto-ricans and Dominicans (Republic) believe that hey had more indian (Taino) blood than African in them. Check any European history book for yourself, hence why the young lady in the video is actually propagating this message to this day which has been distorted through history,so there should be no issue, she is African-Caribbean not 12% African American as she stated. She only added the American part because Peuerto Rico became a department of America, a US Territory following the Spanish-American War in 1898 and its residents became US citizens in 1917. It has been a US Commonwealth since 1952. So there you have it people, you can check all this for yourselves on google or go research some books. Identitiy is a serious thing… BeLieVe… ‘B’4ReaLuV…
Finally, in answer to the question ‘Are BLaCk Women Ugly’… HeaVen’s No!… They are one of the most beautiful human species on the planet, that is why throughout history European Men Like Julius Ceasur, Alexander the Great and Mark Anthony to name a few have been fighting over them, look how they revere Egyptians in the British Museum and even try to depict women who are clearly Nubian as European (Their Secret Wish), more historical distortion… Rest My Case!… HighLy BLesed… ‘B’4ReaLuV…
Well where the video is concrned for 42% of African American Women not being in a relationship is concerned,they answered it in the firt clip, black men are incarcerated whilst white men are left the cream of the crop,uneducated and incarcerated. Well there must be hope, look at Maloclm ‘X’, a powerhouse. Also re-member ladies the world does not jsut consist of Europe and America, black men are the dominant male population on the planet. Be open…
There was some real knowledge placed in your comments Princess B. Thanks for that. I totally agree with you that Black men, even Men of all colors adore natural women. The unfortunate thing is that most of us black women, physically enhanced find it very hard to revert back to our natural selves. I’ve watched the episodes on tyra in reference to women trying to get their natural hair back and their inhibitions and fear of returning back to their partners looking all au natural. The men make it extremely hard for us to look that way, on TV/Media the distorted view is that black women are not good enough, unless their light skin, long hair etc. How many leading ladys on tv are black?? If they are they have one hell of a synthetic afro?
I think in the 50s,60s,70s the love between a man and women was based on internal connection and much more deeper than what meets the eye and of course their physical appearance enticed their men. I’ve also seen the doc ‘Good Hair’ by chris rock and it highlighted some very crucial points. The only woman of colour adored in media with natural hair was Halle berry. It took a while for black men to appreciate Sanaa Lathan (after the weave). I could go on but, i’ll save that for another post. I do believe in loving yourself first before others can love you and when i do, it’s only the european men that love me! The black men frown upon me like i’m of no class, they’re the ones that provoke me to wear a weave, coz when i wear it i get noticed more than 70% without it. Anyway i don’t want people thinking i have issues from this comment, i’m just telling it how it is. I’m happy with myself and if i’m with a man, he’s definitely going to see my natural side..
Oh and to reiterate my point, please see the article called the ‘Starting 11′. There is not one natural looking sista on there. If the woman has a touch of darkness to her, she’s got to have a weave. Otherwise its the sista with a european wave to her. I bet men wrote that article too.
The comments are very interesting and well thought out from all parties. Its easy to identify what gender and race of the commentator, which in itself highlights an issue.
1. Prince H at least you were honest so you agree with the woman who spoke in the video connected to A but you have listed 4 points that would deter you from a black woman so could those experiences lead you to prejudge any other black woman you meet and wouldn’t be a form of racism
2. Cheryl Frances the nearly HALF of the successful black women in the states are single in the states and in the states mid 90s 57% of African American families were headed by a single parent
3. Princess B what was changed between the 70’s and 80s that caused this shift in identity and what tangible measures or teaching tools would you introduce to your child hypothetically speaking
4. Studiopixie I agree there is class dimension to it but when Operation Trident was introduced to investigate black on black gun crime surely this should have rang bells suggesting that black on black relationships and family breakdown was the real issue. Or would you attribute to this to our proportion in one class. I don’t think the issue should get a race stamp and that’s it case closed but I don’t think it can be looked at in isolation either.
5. Blackwoman I agree there are stereotypes surrounding black women but do they have a part to play?
6. Anon…Your point regarding the Starting 11 is true and apparently it was a long thought out and debated selection http://www.pbleepd.com/life-and-style/starting-11/
Although from your point regarding Mr X-Box could that be attributed to a poor judgement call on your side.
There was a silly show on BBC with underground train conductor then prior to that Desmonds but for the life of me I can’t remember a show depicting Black British family life in a balanced light yet reel off negative media examples in an instance. Its true not enough balance but how do we counter it.
What lessons would you offer the next generation?
Dear Kwabena, thank you for reading all of our comments and responses. I must say, that it was a poor judgement call on my side. Instead of being that woman who supports my man in any situation, i was caught up and stamped with the media’s message that my ex was a no good for nothing trifling and what the last two generations have taught us as black women.
To be frank, i don’t think we can teach our next generation anything. We’ve become wild donkeys and we do as we please and see fit. Who honestly does as they’re told or takes any of it into their choices and decisions. To most, if you were raised in a nuclear family, you probably would have been summoned by your father or mother to marry a man of your race and class. Most women and men do as they please, they follow their hearts and not what has been indented in their minds.
Another thing, when will we realise as people that we continue to cause our own misery. We can’t mother our children, we can’t hold a good marriage, we’re to independent to live and work with one another and we breed more and more misfits into our culture.
luv da title of dis article, got me sucked in! lol Neways…most of my points have already been raised but i will add sum fings:
- a lot of black men do check 4 black women. i know black men who ‘link’ gals outside their race but say dey want their wifey 2 b a black woman: a woman he can relate 2, bring home 2 his fam without havin 2 worry about da cultural differences, & sumone who will cook him food he grew up on like good ol’ jollof rice, jerk chicken with sum plaintain on da side…& we all kno black men luv their food!
- a black gal who makes it into a guys top 10 ideal women list is one who has conformed to the European standard of beauty. So wat do we do…we put dangerous chemicals in our hair, we get weaves, we bleach our skin- the less black we look the prettier we feel. Then they tell us dat they want natural looking girls…ok then, so why does Beyonce make it into your top ten every year- erm, make up your minds please!
-I absolutely love black men, after all I am da product of one even though he is a jerk lol but I’ve been brought up in a multi-cultural environment so I can’t help it dat I am also attracted 2 men outside my race. One thing I’ve noticed doe is dat black women hold back more on interracial dating…maybe we admit 2 bein hard work & only feel that black men can handle us? I don’t kno…but maybe black women should step outside their race a bit more too & stop complaining about black men who do. They’ll most likely find dat there are a lot of non-black dudes who are actually fascinated wit black women, from da kinks in our hair to the thickness in our shapes, guys who will luv u even if u have ashy knees & elbows lol
- let’s face it, we can’t help who we fall in luv with, as cliché as it may sound, luv is definitely blind. so a black man can get with a non black woman if she’s the one who makes him happy, that’s cool. What’s not cool is black men who speak negatively of black women & generalise, coz every woman whether black or not should be judged on an individual basis. So to ladies who get mad about ignorant black dudes like that, I understand your rage but it’s not worth getting sensitive about it coz if dats how they feel den F them! Lol. We dont need negative people like dat in our lives.
- how about we just give people who date outside their race a break & concentrate on making our own friggin relationships/marriages work…ders bigger issues goin on in da world yet black ppl always want 2 discuss dark skin vs light skin or how hard life is being black…yawn, yawn, yawn.
Ain’t it funny how we question the beauty of a black woman & not question why non-black women are obsessed with tans, inject crap into their lips for a fuller look, desire thick curves so waste money on plastic surgery & oh yer, in case u didn’t kno, non black gals wear weaves 2! So 2 answer da Q if black women are ugly…fuck NO! lol Why…coz no human being is.
Fitstly I have to say Princess B made some very excellent points and educated me on things that I didn’t know. However I’m sick and tired of constantly hearing the same weak and stereotypical judgements being made about black women.
That silly puerto Rican girl has a lot to Say about black women and seeing as she isn’t one I don’t think she’s in a position to comprehend our struggles. It was so obvious that what she really wanted to say is “Black women don’t hate because your men want me” and this is the attitude I cannot stand and the attitude that some women who date black men have “ha ha ha we have your men”… not all, but some and I know because I’ve seen it for myself.
Firstly black women have been painted with a brush which perpetuates an idiotic ignorant myth that we are all high maintenance, gold diggers and difficult but the fact of the matter is we have had to be hard and strong because we have faced oppression for so long and are still facing it might I add.
I do not have a problem with interracial realtionships in the slightest and I do believe you should be with whoever makes you happy, however there are black men who specifically date women of other races for reasons other than any of the above. Working in retail I saw it with my own eyes, black men who have a chip on their shoulder, or feel superior because their partner isn’t black and look at me as if i’m scum YES I said it because it happens. So my point is we shouldn’t dismiss the self hatred factor, this is the real world and unfortunately a lot of black folk have issues within themselves.
What we need to realise is that there are bad apples in every race but it just seems that black women are the ones who are punished and judged the most. If a black woman wants a man with a good job she’s a gold digger, if she doesn’t want a man with baggage she’s too fussy, if a black woman won’t tolerate nonsense she’s difficult and its unfair. Me personally I will not stand for any of the above for two reasons; one because my parents invested too much time in raising me to be brought down by any man who is no good, and two because I feel I have a lot to offer and want to give it to someone who is deserving of this; it’s that simple if you can’t step up then get stepping.
When black men become successful they do not want to share it with their own and this really intrigues me, its almost as if having a non black woman on your arm seals your success to the highest degree and it’s sad, all you have to do is count the number of black wags there are……Don’t worry I’ll wait, and you’ll realise that you can’t, Why? because there are none.
As far as black women being ugly goes we all know this is ridiculous and the topic of skin, bleaching, weaves and general “deblackinisation” is an issue that is universal. Everybody wants what they haven’t got and this is the general consensus of the world. White women want to be brown, brown women want to be light, black women want slimmer noses and white women want more curves and we all know that these desires stem waaaay back and history will explain this.
However yet again it’s always black women that have to bare the brunt of a problem that I believe is spread globally.
I’ve never been one to play the race card but at the same time we cannot ignore that race comes into play and shouldn’t be overlooked sometimes it seems that people are trying to disregard the fact that racism still very much exists and the debate should be more balanced. I constantly hear people saying black people need to move on, get with the times or worst of all get over it but until our wounds are healed and we are able to find peace with ourselves and one another, we are never going to “Get over it”.Simples!
Let me start by thanking Audrey Billie Jean for posting her reply, I’d like to push the envelope a bit more on this subject as it’s but it’s very clear that this girl in the video doesn’t have a clue.
If black women are so ugly, then explain why research shows that people find the following physical traits desirable: full lips, wide and deep set eyes, full dark lashes, thick hair, curly hair, high cheekbones, curves, full breasts, hourglass figures… These features are a lot more common among black women than other women. Black girls are beautiful. I want to refute the myth that black women are ugly because they aren’t.
As a black woman I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired with this issue.
I’m all for dating outside of your race but I will not tolerate our lighter, whiter counterparts critiquing black women for claiming our black men!.
We black women are constantly put down whether its jealousy of other women, our attitude, being high maintenance or having high standards.
I am single because I refuse to settle. I’ll be honest- I want someone who is my equal, someone that I am equally yoked with and I don’t think that is asking for too much. I’m a very ambitious person, and I want someone who is the same. It might sound harsh, but me and the fry cook at McDonald’s hardly have anything in common. We come from two distinctly different worlds and trying to skip over that fact will only cause problems in the long run. It doesn’t mean I’m any better than him or the next guy, just that we’re reading from two different books here. I reject the notion that I should stop reaching high and looking for someone who is established and a gentleman, and other women should too. And I’m willing to “let a man be a man”, but if a guy is so insecure that he feels intimidated by someone he doesn’t even know then perhaps that’s a sign that he needs to get himself together so that he may get on that level playing field where he too can reach high without feeling like he has nothing to offer. If you want the title, then you’ve got to play the part.
I don’t believe Jay-Z could have married a lower or working class woman because his drive and ambition are enormous. So, he found his female counterpart – a woman who actually generated MORE money than him last year by at least $10 million.
Moving on….
As I get older, I’m noticing this more and more and it does bother me.
Why should we embrace our black men if we don’t get the same in return?
What about the Black man embracing the black woman?
As black women we are the first to be degraded or belittled by our own man. But despite how a black man treats us we still embrace him with open arms and support him with finances, love, encouragement and all else unconditionally.
Black men who ignore black women lack self-esteem. These are the black men that buy into the stereotype that white women will do anything to please a man; be it sexually, emotionally, or financially. These men in my opinion are too weak to handle a woman of substance of any race, especially black woman.
Black women being aggressive, argumentative and having bad attitude is really the Black woman refusing to put up with unacceptable behaviour from a man who is stepping out of line and deserves to be pulled up on it. Sadly, a lot of men who misconduct themselves do not like to be confronted by a straight talking Black woman.
Such typical men then steer towards women of other races, who they assume will be more tolerant of their misbehaviour but sometimes this mistaken assumption can backfire – just look at what happened to Tiger Woods lately…Need I say more??
I am living and learning, thanks ladies. What consequences does this bare for the next generation?
wow i can tell those of you who commented are black woman.
The abc video is so highly patronizing to both black women and black men. but who is to blame, the people reporting the story or the black women who purpot this as a widely prevalent problem in the scale of an epidemic. Talk about airing your dirty laundry out, why is this on a national news channel. What other race get stories specifically targeted at their dating habits on tv. Its embarassing to say the least.
Okay princess B your racist cognitions portrayed here made me sick as first i thought you was going start of with something smart.
First seal is married to Heidl Klum becuase A she is stunning and they get along great. If you knew them personally you would know this, he did not settle for a white girl cause of prior insercurities of scars , he got married with her because they most definalty get along great and why they renew there vows every year and both are famous.
Your portrayal of how white woman aim to seek out black men, while Black men just begrudgedly accept them is false and wrong. Your comments belittle white community and that of mixed relationships. Your statement of black women are most beautiful and black men are most dominant makes you ignorant(amoung other things) and yes i do agree there are beautiful people everywhere and in all races. In our muilt cultural society there is mixing of all sorts and its not because of social staus its people relating/conversing and getting know each other. London prime example of one of most mixed societies in the world, people are free choose who ever they like now.
For the record of black girls trying to look more western.. wake up every girl from every race does some sort of cosmetic change and ill tell you why.. its makes you look like you have a more varied gene pool (which is more attractive)so black girls putting weave , lightening skin and white girls taning there skin and dying there hair are all attempts to make one look like they have wider set of genes . Its not a dig at your colour or culture its way of the world on male attraction.(I got psycholgy degree check this up there loads of empirical support)
Your comments make you sound like black extremist and from all you wrote the girl in the vidoe was most likely talking about YOU!!!
It makes me laugh at all of you who complain and self sterotype your own community. loads of black guys date black women and loads of any body date everybody but when a couple of black guys date another colour these are your reponses. If you treated everything equal and stop acting like yourselves and your men are top of the world there would be less bitching. People are mixing because they can, social boundaries have fallen and who says they should stick to there colour
Ps the girl in the vidoe needs get over herself if she loves her man she shouldnt give a f*** what anybody else thinks.