Men, Women, Sex & Money

Posted on 08. Aug, 2009 by Cheryl Frances in Life and Style, Men & Women

I was watching Chris Rock’s ‘Kill the Messenger’ a few weeks ago and he raised an interesting point. He said that women will not go back in lifestyle whereas men will not go back sexually. He elaborated on this by saying that once a woman experiences a man with his own car she cannot go back to dating a man that rides the bus and once a woman experiences a man with his own house she cannot go back to dating a man that lives with his mum.In the case of men not being able to go back sexually he explained that once a man experiences something sexual that he likes he will then expect any future partners to perform that same sexual act.

Now although this was a light hearted comment in the middle of a stand up show obviously not meant to be taken too seriously it did get me thinking. To include these issues in his show Chris Rock must have believed them to be true to some extent or must have based them on his own experience of men and women. This led me to consider the beliefs that some hold suggesting that the main focus of women in relationships is money or security whilst the main focus for men is sex. On the surface these beliefs sound simplistic and stereotypical so I wanted to explore the origins of such notions and ascertain whether people believed they are applicable today.

As a Psychology graduate I had a good idea of where beliefs regarding women’s obsession with money and men’s obsession with sex had arisen. During my degree I had an opportunity to study gender differences in jealousy and found that were several studies providing evidence suggesting that women tend to be more bothered by emotional infidelity whilst men are more affected by sexual infidelity.

At first glance people would be tempted to say that the reason women are more deeply affected by emotional infidelity is because they are more emotional in general, but deeper analysis has shown that differences in the type of infidelity are perceived as more hurtful and in turn the reasons behind women’s interest in money and men’s interest in sex have evolutionary origins.

Research has shown that jealousy may be viewed a sexually dimorphic adaptation where female emotional jealousy is viewed as a mechanism to prevent resource loss, whilst male sexual jealousy is a mechanism to prevent cuckoldry. It has been shown that men have a vested interest in reproducing thus an enhanced interest in sex.

This is why they find sexual infidelity distressing as it presents them with a problem of paternity uncertainty as they can never be completely sure that a baby is theirs and therefore risk wasting valuable time and resources on another man’s offspring.

In contrast women can always be certain that a child is theirs and therefore have a greater interest in maintaining the security and resources that a man can provide for them and their offspring thus the thought of losing their male to a love rival is more distressing. Looking at the evolutionary roles of males and females it can clearly be seen where the notions of women’s interest in money (or resources) and men’s interest in sex were derived.

The evolutionary routes of these notions show that they are not just gender stereotypes and actually have an element of truth in them, but how applicable are they today?

I find it hard to believe that sex is so important for men that as long as their women is pleasing them sexually and does not commit sexual infidelity they are happy or that women are happy as long as a man has enough money to provide them with security and there is no chance of emotional infidelity. I know for one that the list of qualities I look for in a man extends far beyond the size of his wallet…It was also the case that the men I spoke to wanted much more in a woman that just sex.

However, despite wanting more than just money when it came down to the crunch most of the women I spoke to said that one of if not the most important factor when choosing a perspective partner was whether he could assure security. Interestingly enough although all the women felt that money was a factor that needed to be considered when choosing a man they were divided into two camps.

Those women that were thinking in terms of marriage and fatherhood and felt that a man needed to have money in order to provide for them and their family and another type of woman that loved men with money for the luxuries they could provide. I feel that this is the dangerous type of materialistic woman that gives women a bad name and that a woman’s interest in money can only be justified with an even greater interest in the well being of her family. Similarly, when I talked to men, although they named a list of preferable qualities they would like a woman to possess that were unrelated to sex, when asked whether they would want a partner or wife that was not sexy, all answered no. When I asked why they said because they would not be attracted to them…we all know that the main purpose of physical attraction is sex.

Talking to men and women highlighted that although women want a lot more than money and men want a lot more than sex there is still a great focus on these aspects but it also help me to uncover something else. This was that men actually liked the fact that women love money and women liked the fact that men love sex. Some men said they liked a woman’s interest in money as it gave them an extra card in their hand, one even said that not being the most attractive or intelligent man he felt that money gave him an extra tool to get women. Men feel that money equals power and that in turn women are drawn to powerful men. Curiously, women liked the fact that men loved sex as they felt that sex (either giving it or withholding it) could be used as a form of control.

To sum up it appears that sex and money go hand in hand. Both men and women appear to appreciate what each means to the opposite sex as well as realising what benefits the opposite sex’s interest in each may bring them. It is definitely untrue to say all women want is money and all men want is sex as both men and women alike want a lot more. However it is also clear that in some way we all still fall prey to our evolutionary instincts as these two factors are still at the core of relationships today. It’s interesting that these evolutionary inclinations have stayed around for so long as nowadays women are capable of providing for themselves, their children and indeed their man if they wanted to! But the fact remains that women want a man to take care of them and a man wants to take of his woman.

It’s just ironic that the things we spend our time complaining about ‘women are gold diggers’ or ‘all men care about is sex’ are the same issues that propel us into the roles we love. If women weren’t drawn to money and security they wouldn’t be able to play the doting wife and mother as many men would like because they’d be too busy out making the money! Research has also shown men who show love through having sex or being a good financial provider are more likely to be satisfied with their relationships. Thus I believe that these stereotypes are only kept intact and perpetuated as they help to provide the traditional family life many of us crave.

References:
Buss, D.M., Larsen, R.J., Westen, D. and Semmelroth, J. (1992). Sex Differences in Jealousy: Evolution, Physiology and Psychology. Psychological Science, 3, 251-255.

Sources for pictures:
Picture 1: http://pro.corbis.com/search/Enlargement.aspx?CID=isg&mediauid=E5270AFF-9E33-4E6C-B4F7-F4E360E34D8C
Picture 2:http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/19_2008/sex.jpg
Picture 3: http://www.acidtripping.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/080319-couplekissing.jpg

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