Ten ways to spot and avoid a Jailbait

Posted on 17. Aug, 2009 by GoRealer in Men & Women, Real Talk

I had to be careful when I searched the term ‘Jailbait’ on Google. In case the Internet police end up knocking on my door thinking I am one of those guys that we all dread to be accused of being.

So what are jailbaits? Jailbaits are females or male -to be politically correct- that may seem a certain age in appearance, but are actually borderline the legal age of consent. Which for you slow guys out there means JAIL TIME!

Some speak very fondly of social networking websites like Myspace, Facebook and Bebo enabling us to interact with our friends and family from the comfort of our own homes -or Blackberry for those of you that used your student loans efficiently-. But as we know with everything positive comes the negative… Able had Kane, Jesus had Judas, Ceasar had Bruteus and Solange had the peppergrain hairdo -I still cannot figure out which one is the good out of the two-.

EMOTIONAL: Solange and that hair

But on a serious note, its scary how quickly young people tend to grow up these days and in no place is there a better testimony of this than social networking sites.

After a couple photoshop wizardry you would think that a fully grown woman has added you and is interested in getting to know you. Until you scroll through her pictures to find the infamous ‘last day of Year 11 signed schoolshirt’, which was horrifyingly  uploaded today and the camera date imprint at the bottom right of the picture confirms that the picture is no more than 24 hours old.

I know…I know…its emotional times.

That is why I am here to show you fellow men how to spot a potential Jailbait online and offline, so hopefully you can avoid a court date -that is until you get caught for not having TV licence-.

10. SHE IS IN HER SCHOOL UNIFORM

No mate, that is not an air hostess outfit. What planes do you know that land in and around your area of London?

9. $H3 WR1te$ L1K3 DIZ

We all know that any girl that uses these funny characters on her social networking site is obviously a lot younger than Theo Walcott. So stay away!

8. FIRST QUESTION SHE ASKS: ‘What car do you drive?’
Its either she is a potential footballer’s wife, or she wants to be picked up and dropped to school so STAY AWAY!

7. ON A DATE SHE ORDERS A ‘HAPPY MEAL’
The fact that you are taking her to McDonald’s on a date in the first place, shows how suspect YOU are. But a Happy Meal usually indicates that you are in for a long explanation process to your boys on why the date was so quick.

6. SHE KNOWS YOUR LITTLE SISTER OR BROTHER.
All I have to say here is EMOTIONAL

5. SHE LISTENS TO DJ IRONIK.

This is a no no, especially if she actually believes he is the best rapper in the  UK and begins to recite his lyrics. ‘Hold me closer and dont let go, I need to know how you feel too’. You are in for a long night…IN JAIL!

4. SHE ASKS YOU TO COMMENT ON HER FACEBOOK PICS

I know some grown folks do this too, but this is a speciality within the 90’s babies clique. What they are trying to do here is to build their popularity amongst their peers. But you foolishly adding a comment on there is like leaving fingerprints of intent, so the best thing to do is delete her account and avoid the multiple facebook notifications from potential inmates.

3. SHE HAS MORE THAN 200 PICTURES OF HER STRIKING THE SAME POSE

These pictures are subliminally telling you to prerecord TV for the next 4 years because if you dare add her, you will be going away for a loooooooooong time.

2. SHE IS ON THE BACK OF THE BUS LISTENING TO TINCHY STRYDER’s NUMBER 1 (OUTLOUD)

In the words of Duppy, NA NA NAAAI! What you do here is get off the next stop and walk it home. If you dont and try to get her number you will be the one singing…‘Never did I think a boy like me will be in Bing, All I really wanted was to have some fun’.

1. IF SHE SAYS SHE IS UNDERAGE

Now I know this might come as news to some of you but even the most obvious signs are misread by some desperate brothers out there. When her date of birth blatantly states that she is a 90s baby, it means STAY AWAY. Please don’t try the ‘I will just keep her sweet until 2011′. That there is wrong, because you are actually committing manlophilia - the manslaughter version of paedophilia- .

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