THE INTRODUCTORY REPORT by Roujin Sharif-Saghez
Posted on 14. Aug, 2009 by Roujin in Ask Roujin, Life and Style
Some people are so scared of being alone that they get into a relationship for all the wrong reasons! Until you are completely happy with being YOU, you will not be in a satisfying and happy relationship!
So if you are single and do not wish to be, the first step towards a fulfilling and happy relationship would be finding happiness within you, recognising the part you are not happy with and doing something about it. It is not Mr or Mrs Right’s job to fix us! Unfortunately we have to do that alone, and then start looking for a partner.We also need to recognise what our head is telling us and balance it all out! One idea in psychology is that we have to balance the 3 voices in our heads.
One is our natural biological instinct, telling us to chase all those gorgeous people out there!
The second is the voice of our social environment & parents (yes you hear it as much as you may hate it) also known as the sensible part that thinks about the less physical side of compatibility; for instance is this person someone your family would appreciate in your life and would the people in your life think highly or not of this person?
The last would be our personal intellectual self (apparently we all have one, though personally, I believe some certainly have more or less of the this!).
The point is you shouldn’t let any of these 3 guys run faster in the marathon (of life that is) than the others: as you can imagine that could be problematic! For example, if let the second voice take over we may leave the first one behind and forget that we need to have fun too! As much as they would hate to admit it, and despite the fact that we obviously knew all along, our parents don’t always know best….surprise!!! It is a true balance of these 3 parts that can help us find the right person and relationship bliss!
So when you are happy with whom you are and you have learnt how to balance the three guys in your head, you would think you are ready to settle down! Ermm not quite, we all wish it was that easy! Unfortunately you need to recognise the bad apples in the box too! To be in a happy relationship, you need to choose the right guy to be happy with! Unfortunately so many of us make the mistake of getting into a relationship and hoping and believing with can change the other person! That is WRONG! If he can’t make you happy just by being himself, the chances are you are not making him happy either!
Ben Stein, an American economist & writer who has written many articles on “love” said the absolute surest way you can mess up your life is getting involved with someone who already has many serious problems in their life and believing you can change them. The signs are usually there, it’s whether you choose to recognise them or not is the problem. If you are honest with yourself you would probably admit that actually could smell the rotten apple, but you lied to yourself and thought ‘well maybe it still tastes good’, and ate it anyway!
As we always say at Seventy Thirty (this is the company I work for as a relationship expert. shameless plug), there are 4 areas where you need to have well matching values with your partner. (for your relationship to be successful and have your happy ending). Values being the key element in all four areas, and they are; background, lifestyle, physical attraction and relationship goals. Happy relationships are not rare; they can happen to anyone of us, YES even YOU!
And remember, even after meeting Mr or Mrs Right,, recognise that happy, fulfilling and satisfying relationships require work on both sides! Fairy tales do happen, but usually in those stories they have censored the arguments, the compromises and the work that goes into to a relationship. Ben Stein (as you probably know by now, I am big fan of his work) suggested that relationships are like investments, when you invest a lot of time, effort and emotion into a relationship, you get just as much back! Assuming this relationship is with Mr or Mrs Right and not the rotten apple!
I have to say I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have such a fulfilling, exciting and romantic job! I love to hear what people think about relationships because my expertise comes only partly from textbooks; the rest comes from the glory of hearing people’s life experiences, thoughts and dreams. I welcome thoughts or comments if anyone would like to get in touch!
ASK ROUJIN IS COMING……………………
Picture Sources
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