Power That Kisses Hold: The First Kiss

Posted on 19. Apr, 2010 by Cheryl Frances in Life and Style, Men & Women

“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes therelationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender” -Emil Ludwig (1881-1948)-

Kissing is the act of pressing one’s lips against the lips of another. A kiss may be used to express the sentiments of love, passion and affection amongst others. One interesting aspect of kissing is the ‘first kiss’, not the first kiss ever but the first kiss with that new ‘special’ person.

There seems to be an aura/stigma surrounding the first kiss and I’ve often wondered why. I’m seriously at risk of sounding like a teenager but I eagerly anticipate the first kiss and am a firm believer that with a good first kiss something new has been created and you should be left feeling those butterflies in your stomach **cringe**.

In a Carrie-esque manner (Sex and the City) I got to thinking about the nature of ‘The First Kiss’ and decided to investigate first kisses based on research, my own experience and the experience of some friends of mine and ended up with 5 reasons as to why first kisses are important.

SCIENCE

First comes the Science bit…Apparently in a biological sense kissing is all about ‘Chemical Compatibility’. Studies show that men actually use kisses as a way of judging their partners fertility, so that first kiss may be more important than you think!

A study at Rutgers showed that men tend to prefer wet kisses as believe it or not they are trying to taste a women’s oestrogen levels in an attempt to gauge her fertility whilst at the same time give the woman a taste of their testosterone! Highly interesting stuff, but I can’t say it didn’t lead to me consider kissing in a new light!

Science also goes someway to explaining why ‘most’ people find kissing to be a highly pleasurable experience. When we kiss it is proposed that a cascade of neural messages and chemicals transmit signals that lead to tactile sensations, sexual excitement, feelings of closeness, motivation and even euphoria.

There are so many nerve endings in our lips that connect to the feel-good portion of our brain. When two people kiss, oxytocin the feel good hormone is released, making their bodies feel good and bringing them closer together.

INTIMACY

Intimacy, kissing is a very intimate gesture, some would argue more intimate than sex itself (prostitutes don’t kiss remember). Kissing is critical to bonding and to making love, even without physically having sex. It is as close as you can become to another person, and it communicates so much.

“A kiss is very affectionate , whereas sex doesn’t have to be at all, most people have never made love before” Bria, 23. Thus the first kiss signifies a new level of intimacy in the relationship, it shows that you like and are comfortable enough with the person to take that next step.

Kissing has become a ritual part of the courtship process and most relationships do not usually progress to deeper levels without first kissing. Of all the people I questioned before writing this article only one failed to mention intimacy as an important aspect of the fist kiss.

Big Mike, 23 said “The first kiss is always important, it’s the entry phase into a new level of the relationship, intimacy” whilst Kayla, 22 said “It may only be 3 seconds long but it says so much. Maybe it says more to the female than the male. It says that you are into each other. It’s a sign of a new level of intimacy” Interestingly although intimacy was naturally linked to kissing it was not always in a positive manner, and I found that some may dislike kissing because of the intimacy it requires.

Bria, 23 said “A kiss is very affectionate , whereas sex doesn’t have to be at all, most people have never made love before. Kissing is very intimate never I’ve never felt in love with a guy enough to enjoy the intimacy of ‘the kiss’, but I do think kissing can say a lot about how you feel about each other, you don’t kiss anyone, some guys say they’d sleep with a promiscuous girl but they wouldn’t kiss her!” Jerome, 20 said “I really don’t like kissing to be honest, but maybe my wifey might get a bly.” So it can clearly be seen that whether liked or not kissing and intimacy are intrinsically linked and the first kiss is the gateway to these new levels of intimacy.

SEXUAL

Kissing is the first act that that involves a sexual element. The first kiss is the first time people can express the passion they feel for each other, the chemistry that exists is free to flow and as we all know that kissing doesn’t only involve the lips but often the hands too it can get very heated!

I feel it can often show how compatible two people may be as lovers, and serve as an indication of things to come, I.e. if the kissing is hot one might presume that the antecedent foreplay and sex will be also be hot because you just connect on that level!

This aspect of kissing is particularly important for males as research suggests that men place a greater importance on the sexual element of a kiss and may perceive it as a woman’s ’surrendering’ act, signalling a higher likelihood of sex. Big Mike, 23 said “ You have to leave a lasting impression with your lips, not to say if you can’t kiss you’ll be whack in other departments but a great kisser usually equals a great lover, I’m not sure I could have a relationship with someone who is not a kisser or can’t kiss.”

PURITY

Purity; it sounds like a weird one, especially after the sexual aspect was just highlighted but kisses are actually related to purity. The kiss has routes in religion, serving as a ritual gesture of affection in both Islam and Christianity.

In addition to this it can clearly be seen that a marriage is initially bonded a through a kiss that is deemed as pure enough to be viewed by God and everyone in attendance whilst the consummation of marriage must occur in private.

In terms of a first kiss if someone kisses you in an overly excited or sexual way on the first kiss you may very well enjoy it but you might also consider their intentions and whether you would consider pursuing a serious long-term relationship with them.

It seems that the way a first kiss is performed is particularly important and I personally feel that this issue of a certain level of purity is at it’s core. Although I did not mention this matter of the nature of a first kiss to my friends two of them alluded to having a slow but sensual rather than wild, rough and erotic first kiss and one for exactly that reason.

“ No more awkward moments, just look into her eyes, get the eye contact and go for it, make sure they are slow and sensual at first, make her feel relaxed” Big Mike, 23. “ If it’s gentle and unobtrusive I think it shows how patient a man is and that they are with you for you and not just a sexual intention.” Kayla, 22.

MAINTENANCE

Kissing plays an integral role in the Maintenance of relationships and research suggests that we use it as a bonding mechanism as well as a means to test the status of a relationship.

Dr Glenn Wilson, an expert in relationships at London’s Institute of Psychiatry, said: “Kissing is used by everyone as a bonding and testing mechanism” Thus the first kiss is important as if the kissing is not right from the start and unable to evoke and convey a certain level of intimacy it’s likely problems will be encountered later down the road.

It is believed that a relationship that lacks kissing will often lack intimacy and that kisses may be used to re-ignite the feelings that were present when a couple had that first kiss. I know Eric Roberson feels me on this one!

Eric Roberson - The Power That Kisses Hold

So there you have it science (chemistry), intimacy, sex, purity and maintenance are my 5 keys to unlocking the power of the first kiss.

In addition to these keys I also discovered that my friends reported a certain amount of nervous energy in regards to the first kiss.

Bria, 23 “The first kiss can be scary, it’s not just about having the skills but it needs added affection and everyone kisses differently so you need to adjust.”

Angel, 22, “I’ve always disliked kissing, including the first kiss, mainly out of fear of not knowing what I’m doing and being uncomfortable with expressing my sexuality.”

Clarissa, 18 “First kisses are awkward because you don’t know what the other person is thinking.”

Sasha, 20, “I find it awkward and scary because you don’t know how it’s meant to be. I find my head going this way and that way, but I like a goodnight kiss on a first date because it gives a taster!”

Big Mike, 23 “ Going in for the first kiss is a bit crazy sometimes, there could be books, articles and blogs about it but only you can judge when the time is right. I’ve realised as I’ve got older that waiting for that moment of silence when you’re both looking at each other is long!”

Kayla, 22, “ It is exciting, nerving and hopefully enjoyable”

Seems that whether it be nervous excitement or all out fear everyone anticipates fist kisses with relative trepidation so here’s some top tips, based on these responses.

1. Variety is the spice of life - Move from short, soft kisses into longer, deeper ones, then back again…
2. Party for two! Do it in private - you want it to be special and a moment just shared between you two
3. Easy does it - choose your moment and gently move in

First kisses hold a great deal or power, so go on… harness that power!

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”-Ingrid Bergman-

* pseudonyms used to preserve anonymity

Sources :
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/6975794.stm
http://www.ayushveda.com/mens-magazine/wet-kisses/

Pictures:
http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs13/f/2007/086/4/a/You_May_Now_Kiss_Your_Bride_by_nickbonn.jpg
http://media.photobucket.com/image/kiss%20black%20and%20white/Fleurie_Fleurie/BLACK%20and%20WHITE%20and%20RED/kiss-red-black.jpg
http://creativebits.org/files/sex-and-the-city-g4.jpg

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