Tiger Woods: BLUEPRINT Album

Posted on 10. Jan, 2010 by GoRealer in Life and Style, Men & Women

The events over the last few weeks have taken us all by surprise -well maybe not all of us-.  At least not the 16 or so women who were fully aware that Mr Perfect husband Tiger Woods, was nothing more than a ‘cheetah’.

As much as it brings comfort to the millions of men out there, that the unrealistic benchmark is now shattered, it is rather amusing to us how other male figures have reacted to the situation -none more comic than rapper 50cent-.

The rapper claims that had Tiger been more ‘gangster’, maybe he would be able to get away with cheating his missusses. The rapper goes on to state:

“Fear factor - you need a little fear there, a woman need to feel that maybe he’s going to snap, ‘So I ain’t going to say that.’

With Tiger there’s no fear there. They be like, ‘He left a message on my phone, he say he love me. He was going to leave her.’

This lead me to wonder, what if Tiger was gangster enough to PIMP his missuses, or even Gangsta enough to record his own BLUEPRINT to Pimping?  He would probably look like this and have the track list as follows.

1. 50 cent - Baby by Me

With an annual income of $137mill a year, we could just begin to imagine his chat up lines’ It would be somewhere in the lines of this chorus. Maybe that’s why he went in raw on all the women, he most definitely lost any chance of a Durex endorsement after that revelation.

2. Taio Cruz - Only Gonna Break Your Heart

With emails like: “I need you here [at the Australian Masters in Melbourne]! Just pack and get organized. Sorry if I hurt you.” Tiger’s Pimp hand was kinda harsh, the chorus to this song seems to fit well with Mr Woods extra marital activities.

3. Drake - Best I Ever Had

With so many women, I am sure Tiger could have run this chorus to all of them and they would have all fell for it. But it is actually the ‘Until them girls prove it I am the one to never get confused with’ line that seems the most relevant during the time his missuses began to suspect his dippings abroad.

4. Fabolous ft Trey Songz - Last Time

The chorus in this song best symbolises the internal battle that Tiger must have been going through. Its what happens when you have two women in your life (not that I know, I have heard through the grapevine)

5. 50 Cent -  P.I.M.P

We all thought that Tiger was about to lose half his wealth when the news first broke, but little did we know he had the Prenup on standby. Marriage on Pay as you Go contract. Dahmm! Tiger needs a T-Mobile endorsement.
What better chorus to show his PIMP hand than the chorus which sings: ‘I dont know what you heard about me, but a b&t£h cant get a dollar out of me’. SCORE!

6. Joe Budden - Pump It Up

This song just reinforces more reasons why Tiger may have got tired of his missuses and needed a ‘JUMP OFF’ as Joe Budden puts it: ‘…she dont want nothing on Valentines day…’

7. Interlude - Ed-ucation - Eddie Griffin

Possibly the greatest skit ever recorded, with the classic lines: ‘You knew when you got with a ni&&a he already had a woman, you knew he already had a family, but you f&cked him anyway’

8. Usher - Confensions Part 2

At this stage, Tiger is most probably confessing every sin he ever committed to win his missuses back and no song better represents that than this one.

9. Jay-Z - Song Cry

Possibly the greatest excuse given by any cheating male: …’I was just F&&king them girls, I was gonna get right back’

10. Jason Derulo - Watcha Say

We all know what Mrs Woods is saying, but I am sure this is the type of Jams Tiger would have tried to play to break down the resistance.

11. Kanye West - Heartless

When begging doesn’t work, its always good to try the guilt trip, switching the attention away from who the real victim is. No one managed that better than Kanye in this 2008 classic.

12. Usher - Burn

After its all said and done, looks like Tiger will have to just get bun!

Bonus Tracks:

Ludacris - Area Codes

50 Cent - Get in my car

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