Why Can’t Women Keep Their Surnames?
Posted on 17. Mar, 2010 by admin in Life and Style, Men & Women
Written By CJ
A couple of weeks ago, I was sat in front of the TV with my boyfriend, discussing our future, where we saw ourselves in the next few years, whether we would have children, and whether we would get married…
And then he turns to me and says, “Wow, that would make you Mrs Balogun…” What was said after that remains a bit of a blur, as I sat there in a stunned silence. The fact of the matter was that I would never of considered changing my surname. I’m a Jones, of Guyanese tradition and very proud of it. That’s my identity and I would never even consider putting myself in any other position.
So I put it to him “Why can’t you be Mr Jones?”
to which he replied “Because I’m the man and you’re supposed to take my name”
Now I’m no raging feminist, but I do believe that women who willingly change their surnames to that of their husbands are reinforcing the view that women are subordinate to men. Fair enough, there are some women out there who change their names for particular reasons e.g. they hate 
their families or they find their maiden name hideous – there are many acceptable reasons for why a women may not want to keep her name – but for me, those who just change it without given it a moments thought, or even questioning it are ignoring their rights of equality. Why can’t a husband take his spouse’s surname?
Surnames did not exist in Great Britain until the 13th Century. However the biblical story of Adam and Eve, where Eve was formed from one of Adam’s ribs, has brought about the idea that women are a part of the man and are somehow a possession. Until a hundred years ago, marriage was a complex patriarchal exchange of money, status, and property – property including the woman herself.
Marriage signalled the transfer of a woman from her father’s estate to her husband’s estate. We are now in the 21st century, so this is no longer an issue. Modern weddings are no longer about a man owning a woman. We have independent lives. We have our own jobs and make our own money; we are decision makers; and we are our own persons.
So tradition is the only reason why women have taken their husband’s surnames in the past. There are no laws in the UK that dictate that this must be the case. However it is made more complicated for a man to change his name. Whilst there are two automatic legal options that a woman can take to change her name when she gets married, this is not the case for men. In order for all documentation to be changed including driver’s licences and passports, a change of name has to be done by deed poll which costs around £30.
But although this is the case, it is not exactly a major expense when you think of all the thousands of pounds that are put into a wedding ceremony anyway. And the form that needs to be filled in is not exactly long-winded. So why are men still less keen to give up their name. Perhaps men feel that by giving up their name, they are giving up any control that they have over the relationship.
“My girl would be taking my surname at the end of the day and that would be the end of it.”, remarked Triston, 23 years of age “Why would I need to change my name? I’m a man. That’s how it goes.”
However there have been cases where men taking their spouses names through marriage have been successful. Take an article published a year ago in the Independent newspaper where Kris Dyer decided to take his wife Jo Myddelton’s surname when they got married. He commented ‘”I don’t consider myself particularly avant-garde,” he continues, “and I’m not flying the flag for metrosexuality – it just seemed a sensible idea at the time. What we hadn’t prepared ourselves for is just how old-fashioned the rest of the world is.“’
Well you may be interested to know that the boyfriend I was talking about at the beginning of this feature is now my ex-boyfriend. Clearly he can’t handle a strong, independent, modern woman who puts her identity before his ego. Well at least I know that by being single, I can keep my surname, no matter what.
Source http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/no-one-understood-why-i-took-my-wifes-surname-894075.html
Pic Source http://arturovasquez.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/marriage.jpg http://blackgirlthinking.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/funny-wedding-cake-topper01.jpg http://www.newthoughtgeneration.com/happy-marriage.jpg http://www.traveltohawaiireviewed.com/image_attraction/maui/Misc/wedding.jpg
Interesting, but can simply be put down to c combination of tradition and the ‘If it aint broke, dont fix it mentality’. Personally, whilst preferring the future wife to adopt my name, I wouldnt be heartbroken or at all bothered if she decided to eep her own. But then maybe I dont have the lack of self esteem that lead a portion of the male species to require some sort of elevation above their female counterpart.
Interesting article
I can defintely see why women would want to keep their name and what’s wrong with that? After all you’ve had it all your life. I really like the idea of taking my husband’s surname however, it’s traditional and although some may feel it reinforces the woman as subordinate stereotype I feel it just means that you are really becoming part of the family and you and your husband are one thus you share one name, it could be argued that the man could take the woman’s surname, but it’s just never gonna happen, men and their egos! LOL
In no form of animosity, I totally disagree with wat I jus read. From my humble understanding, wen a man marries a woman, da woman’s father is handing ova his daughter 2 da man 2 take over ‘his job’ & take care of his daughter da way he wud etc etc hence da daughter gives up her father’s name, its nufin 2do wit da woman not being equal or da man owning her; in fact like, wat Cheryl pointed out, it’s saying we are ONE now. If da woman is sooo attached 2 her surname den she can hav a hyphenated surname. But boi, maybe I’m jus a bit toooo traditional so I don’t understand all dis ‘i’m an independent woman’ kinda talk. If taking your hubby’s name can make u feel less strong, less independent, less success-driven then…maybe u never were. A name shouldn’t be what keeps one’s identity alive; I have an uncle who doesn’t even have an African surname yet, he’s hardcore African and he’s English surname will never take that away. So basically, I don’t think it’s a big issue, but to each their own I guess…just as long as the real, true, honest reason isn’t because the woman thinks that her surname sounds more ‘upper class’ or ‘westernised’ than his coz trust me, I know women who do think like that as sad as it may sound.
Very very interesting. Personally I don’t see it being an issue to take my future husband’s surname but provided that he does not assume that this was what I was going to do. What I do find disturbing is when the woman’s name is completely removed, ie. Mrs Patrick Smith. That is what I stand.
Very interesting read! I actually had to think about how i would feel when it comes to surname adoption and marriage. TBH i’ve never paid it much attention prior to reading this. Tradition has installed this, but i do see myself as an independent lady, who has her own and will continue to in the future. Regardless, i would entirely adopt my future husbands name, as short n sweet pointed out. This man has willingly chosen to continue playing the role my father or ‘the father’ has played in my life. I think the man’s surname will always symbolize the household name. Again, i’m agreeing with this soley because of tradition and because i have no reason to object.
side note: a man taking on his womans surname hmmmmmm? I dunno
I wasnt surprised to see “strong independent modern woman” thrown in somewhere in this article. If you dont wanna take a mans surname then dont, but dont try and turn it into some sort of crusade, because most women dont mind and a lot prefer it. It doesnt mean they are weaker or beneath their men and you not wanting to take his name doesnt necessarily make you strong and independent. As for a man taking the womans name….dnt push it..someones getting a bit excited methinks…
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Jones is your DADS name! If your mum hadnt of married him, then you wouldnt even be a Jones! Whats does that mean to your delicate Identity?!
Your ex got away with his life becoming your ex!